Asymptotes

Daily Fweeps

To anybody interested, I’ve made a separate blog that I’ll be using to upload random doodles, photos, “masterpieces,” non faith-related bumblings, and other things that will probably never be shared elsewhere.

My guess would be that only people who know me personally will be interested. =)

dailyfweeps.tumblr.com

Disciplines of a Godly Woman

My small group went through Disciplines of a Godly Woman by Barbara Hughes several months ago, and afterwards my small group leader asked us to come up with some practical ways we could work on the individual disciplines. I just found the list of stuff I came up with. Some of them are pretty good, others are meh, but more importantly, it made me realize I haven’t been very disciplined recently. I never bothered to try some of these things at all, even the easy stuff. Hopefully much of that will change in the very near future.

1. Prayer

• Intentionally set aside a block of time for prayer each day (turn off computer) 
• Say short prayer every time anything reminds me of God 
• Don’t wait until already lying in bed, ready to sleep

2. Worship

• When I don’t feel like worshiping, meditate on how undeserving I am 
• Before leaving on Sundays, pray to remind myself why I am going 
• Get sleep on Saturday nights

3. Church

• Ask where the church needs help, don’t just expect the church to help me 
• Reach out to people sitting alone 
• Meet up with church friends outside of church 
• Determine spiritual gift and use it!

4. Propriety

• Wait a few seconds to respond when atmosphere is awkward/heated
• Remind self that God is always listening & watching 
• Act as if a friend curious about Christianity is watching you 
• Walk away from gossipy conversations

5. Good Deeds

• Actually listen after asking others how they are doing 
• Volunteer at rescue missions/shelters and don’t be afraid to speak to people about Christ 
• Learn to cook 
• Get a license

6. Witness

• Use social networks to advantage – find out what friends believe and what they’ve been exposed to 
• Keep praying for more opportunities 
• Happen to be reading the Bible/Christian book when I know a non-Christian friend will show up soon 
• If they are a devout ____, do a little research 
• Be ready to discuss difficult questions

7. Giving

• Always give what is left loose in pockets
• Look for good deals when shopping, go without fast food or Starbucks, then give saved money to church 
• Regularly donate unused things to charity and learn to let things go

8. Singleness

• Spend more time with roommates and friends 
• Use time alone in evenings to talk to God 
• Show hospitality whenever a girl needs a place to stay

Unemployed

At some point in the last two months, I realized that I can no longer put “Student” whenever a form asks for my job title. Good ol’ safe “Student.” Now I’m confused about what to put. I guess I’m “Unemployed” now? Man, that is a scary thought.

So I’ve been sending my rather flimsy resume out and applying to a bunch of places, but I haven’t really heard back from anybody. Except Target, who just flat out said no after like three days. Don’t they know I grew up right down the street? Don’t they remember how I patronized them even when their stores were small and ugly and didn’t all look identical? The traitors.

I’m not looking for some launchpad into a career, I just want something to do with my time that can bring in some income while I get my teaching credential. People ask me what kinds of jobs I’m looking for, and I just say “Anything,” which is true. And to get any more specific and actually tell them where I’m applying.. I guess it’s a little embarrassing. There are certain expectations for a recent college grad, and some of the places I’ve applied to are more like the expectations for a recent high school grad. Really though, I don’t know why I care. I suppose I’m still sort of stuck in the college > grad school > career > millionaire mindset, which isn’t helpful to me at all. I’m working on that.

Even though I’ve finally laid out some plans for the next few years, I’m still halfway hoping to wake up one day with a fantastic, crazy, brilliant idea that will change my life forever. It’s a good thing and a bad thing, I think. Good, because really, I don’t know where God is going to lead me, and I want to be willing to trust Him if things go in another direction. But bad, because I’m not sure that’s the sort of thing I’m hoping for. It’s more like I’m hoping that in a single moment, a stray spark of inspiration will make all my problems go away, and all the pieces will fall into place and leave me with an easy road ahead. 

I want to be submissive, but not out of sheer laziness. 

Derp. I can never think of clever ways to end posts anymore.

The heart of man plans his ways, but the Lord establishes his steps. - Proverbs 16:9

pricklylegs:

i literally used to cry at night because my furby would randomly start talking and wake me up and i was too scared to kill it and when the batteries started dying his voice got creepier and it sounded like he was saying satanic chants so i made my parents throw him into a landfill and i fear everyday that he’ll come back

(via mister-comedy)

A Personal, Not Very Encouraging Post

Sometimes I can’t deal with people, and it’s not because people are annoying/mean/boring or any of that. What I mean is that sometimes when I’m surrounded by people and there is an expectation to socialize, I just freeze up. I begin to feel like nothing I have to say is worth saying, and I feel my cheeks start to ache from keeping a smile on my face. Suddenly I feel like everybody is looking at me and thinking to themselves how incredibly awkward I am. Then what do I do? Well, what else? I run to a bathroom to hide, of course. If no bathroom is available, I do the next best thing and find a way to go for a walk, or find some food or a drink with which to occupy myself, or anything at all to get away from everyone for just a few minutes. 

I wish I weren’t like this. It’s no secret that I’m generally a quiet person, and for the most part I’ve always been okay with that. If memory serves me right, there wasn’t anything particularly negative about quietness when I was young. As I get older, though, I guess it’s become an increasingly burdensome character trait. It was hard to make friends in college. I certainly liked people well enough and didn’t really have problems holding one on one conversations, but add two, three more people to the mix and I might as well be mute. At church I’m just awkward. Those times right after service, when everyone just kind of stands around chatting with each other? I dread those times; occasionally I just run right off to the bathroom. And I know, I know. Fellowship is important, and I DO want to be friendly, and I know this is my problem and the awkwardness is all in my head. I just feel so uncomfortable and sick. I have trouble enjoying any kind of retreat, because it’s like a relentless, neverending hangout with no escape. Some people have also expressed concerns that I might not be able to handle being a pastor’s wife, being the way that I am.

I guess I never realized what an asset it is to be outgoing. I used to think introvert was just a personality type, and shy was just an adjective, no good or bad attached to them. I never knew they would turn out to be such crippling diseases. I now feel like this part of my personality is a malfunctioning piece, needing desperately to be fixed. The way people confront me about how quiet I am sometimes, I feel like it’s almost sinful of me. How can you love others if you don’t even talk to them, after all? How can you encourage unity in the church when you avoid social events? Or how can you make newcomers feel welcome when you’re hiding in the bathroom? It bothers me how I have this lingering belief that everyone has particular strengths and particular temperaments that can be of use to the Church, but I can’t seem to find anywhere that wants this darned shyness.